Enough already. What about me?

How to discover your core values

Have you any idea what your core values might be?  

No, I don’t mean that you think it’s important to give to charity. Values don’t actually have any moral dimension. Each individual value is neither good nor bad.  

What I mean by ‘values’ are the non-tangible things that you absolutely must have in your life to feel happy and fulfilled. Like Self expression, or Beauty or Achievement.  

Discovering these, and their order of importance, is one of the most useful pieces of self- development work you will ever do. Once you know them, you really have a blueprint for how to live the rest of your life.   You’ll know what big decisions to make.

You’ll know why you’re feeling particularly upbeat or down. You’ll know what small action you could take to feel happier and more fulfilled in any given moment.   

This is because every action you take either honours or dishonours your core values. Every action you take either honours of dishonours - YOU.  

Discovering your core values is a vital part of the work that I do with my coaching clients. You can have a go yourself:  

A good way to start is to think of a time when you felt absolutely great, on top of the world, really, really happy and fulfilled. What do you think it was about yourself that you were honouring?   Perhaps it was your value of Human Connection, or Adventure or Contribution.  

The converse is also true. Think of a time when you felt low or depressed or miserable. It was one of your values that you were dishonouring. Which one?  

When I was training, I had a great coach myself, Francine Kaye, now a top relationship coach www.thedivorcedoctor.co.uk. She said this to me. I tell all my clients and I’d like to share with you.

 “It is never the, person, situation or circumstance that upsets or frustrates me. It is always a value of mine that is being dishonoured or violated.”  

Wow! Talk about having to take responsibility for your own life.            

Seven wise quotes about time

1. Time is our most valuable asset, yet we tend to waste it, kill it, and spend it rather than invest it." Jim Rohn

2. Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!
Anthony Robbins

3. It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?
Henry David Thoreau

4. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Henry Ford

5. Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.
M. Scott Peck

6. Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.  Carl Jung

7. Human beings created the concept of time. Our attitude towards those seconds, minutes and hours is key to how we manage them.

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'Me time' workshops for parents - bring a friend for free

Has the snow thrown your life off balance in the past few weeks?
 
Maybe you’ve fallen behind with household or admin jobs because the kids were off school or you couldn’t get out in the snow? Perhaps you’re frantically making up missed work days?
 
With all the things that need to be done, you might think you can’t possibly prioritise time for you.
 
Well, now you can! Because I’m making an offer you can’t refuse on my New Year ‘me time’ workshops for parents.
 
When you book either 'Put YOU back into your life' or 'Taming Time' - you can bring along a friend ABSOLUTELY FREE.
 
So, two of you can benefit from these highly practical and motivating workshops.
 

1. This is what you’ll get from my Put YOU back into your life workshop:

-     two and half hours of uninterrupted ‘me time’ to recharge your batteries

-     a deeper understanding of what is really getting in the way of living the life you want (clue: it’s not the weather or the mortgage)

-     a personal action plan for creating more energy, focus and time for YOU over the coming months.

 “Thank you so much Katie! You have done what you set out to do and put me back into my life. The money was nothing for what you have helped me achieve.”  (Sally, one-to-one coaching client, South London)
 
Put YOU back into your life
Sunday 17 January
10am – 12.30pm
 
reCentre
260 Balham High Road
London SW17 7AN
 

2. This is what you’ll get from my Taming Time workshop:

-     practical techniques for managing your family, work and personal life more effectively, so you can catch up after the last few frantic weeks

-     three simple secrets for how to get more done including how never to procrastinate again and how to ditch the ‘to -do’ list

-     a calmer, more positive attitude to time management which will give you more time in the day – whatever the weather.

“I did Katie’s Taming Time workshop because I felt overwhelmed by my to-do list. Since the workshop, I’ve changed the way I organise my time, am more efficient and now I am beginning to create more time for myself.” (Claire, Mum from South West London)
 
Taming Time
Thursday 21 January
7.15 – 9.45pm
 
Lavender Heal
189 Lavender Hill
London SW11 5TB
 
So, these free places are there for the taking. But, don’t delay! You need to contact me NOW - this offer melts away when the snow does.

To book your two places for the price of one (£35) call me on 0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk

New Year's Resolutions - how to keep them

Most of us make New Year's Resolutions, but how often do we actually succeed in achieving them? Here's a few coaching tips to make sure that 2010 is the year that you do:

• Get specific. You're much more likely to succeed if you know exactly what you want to be different. Vague resolutions like 'go to the gym more' are rarely kept.

• Write out your resolution, and write it in the present tense. For example, you could replace 'I will go to the gym more' with 'I go to the gym three times a week for 45 minutes'. It tricks your mind into thinking that you're doing it already. And writing anything down makes it more likely you'll achieve it. Especially if you read your resolution outloud everyday.

• Keep it positive. Avoid resolutions which are about cutting down or dropping things. Focus on what you want rather than what you don't want.

• Break big resolutions down into steps with deadlines - and keep focused on taking just one step at a time.

• Give yourself a reward when you've achieved an interim step. Plan what these will be beforehand and they become a motivation in themselves. It's really easy to lose motivation if your goal seems a long way off.

• Get allies. Tell people what you're doing and ask for their encouragement. You can even ask them to hold you accountable if that helps. But make sure your allies are really positive and supportive. If friends and family are more like to be discouraging  - keep your resolution to yourself!

Good luck - you can do it!

 

Ten things that went right for me in 2009

I've just opened a Christmas card to find a truly depressing Round Robin letter inside. Just a couple of bits of mildly good news tacked onto the end of a string of miseries. What a year these poor people have had.

But why send these miserable things? Why focus on what's gone wrong? I wanna hear what went right.

This is the closest I'll ever get to a Round Robin - my ten things that went right in 2009.

Good thing No 1 As I write, proper fluffy snow is falling, lit golden by the street lamp outside the window. It's so calming and perfectly beautiful. And exactly right for Christmas.

Good thing No 2 Chris and Ola won Strictly!! (Not strictly my good thing, I know, but SO exciting)

Good thing No 3  Watching my daughter's first nativity play at school. She had one line, shared with four other 'snowflakes' dressed in what can only be described as doilies. But she was so bold and so up for it, and she twirled magnificently. And yes, I cried.

Good thing No 4 The same youngest daughter starting school in September. She loves it and it's given me more time to devote to my coaching practice - which I love.

Good thing No 5 A fabulous summer holiday in Italy with friends. All of us child-free for a week, it was like going back in time as we lazed by the pool, read more novels than in the previous year and drank gorgeous wine, ate fabulous food, sang and laughed.  Highly recommended to stressed-out parents - if at all possible. 

Good thing no 6 Seeing Jude Law on stage in Hamlet. Nuff said.

Good thing no 7 Getting positive feedback from my coaching clients, sometimes months after we've stopped working together. It is so fantastic to hear how they are getting along and makes my job just the best.

Good thing no 8 Witnessing my oldest daughter transform into a more thoughtful, more responsible, dare I say, 'grown up' girl. It's quite remarkable how she has changed.

Good thing no 9 Discovering Twitter. So much fun and such a great opportunity to get out there and take part in the world. I never would have believed it.

Good thing no 10 Despite the 'economic downturn', I've still got a job which I love, I've still got a beautiful family, I've still got a home, caring friends and a life worth living. 

Wishing you a Merry Christmas & a
positive, challenging, thought-provoking and fabulous New Year

'Acting as If' Part One

1. Choose an area of your life where you would like to make changes. It could be home, work, children, whatever.  You may have been paralysed with fear and inaction recently, because of all your 'what ifs' and 'yes buts' but all that is about to change.

2. Ask yourself this important question:  'If I truly believe that I matter in this area of my life, what would I do?' Make a list right now of 10 things you would do if you believed that you mattered.

3. Start doing the actions on the list. Right now. Step by step from one to 10. You are now 'acting as if' you believed you mattered. Suspend any disbelief that you matter, just pretend that you do. Fake it.

4. As you begin to take these actions, you will soon discover something that your confident inner self knew all along. You do matter. You do count. You can make a difference. You are no longer 'acting as if' - it is true.

When we wait to 'feel as if', we keep ourselves stuck in fear. When we 'act as if' the power of taking action moves us forward, and ultimately changes how we feel. We then want to take even more action. It's a beautiful, virtuous circle.

'Acting as if' is a simple confidence-building technique for moving forward despite fears and anxieties. I first discovered it in the book which is now required reading for all my coaching clients Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by self-development goddess Susan Jeffers. http://www.susanjeffers.com

Bye bye procrastination

Aargh..! A whole month since my last post. October just kind of disappeared.

But here I am at last and ready to make a commitment to blogging at least three times in November.

Procrastination? Me!?

So, why no blog? I've been meaning to do it, after all. Do I suspect some procrastination? What me? A life coach? Surely not!

Yup, that's exactly what it is.

When I put something off, it's usually because I'm relating whatever it is I have to do with some kind of pain (even if I don't realise it). In this case, the pain of facing the fact that my blog is not being seen by a whole lot of people - so much techie stuff to learn!

So instead of getting on and facing it, I find something else to do.

Surprise!  Life coaches aren't perfect! But thankfully I know what to do about it and it's crazily easy.

Banish procrastination in 5

I show my clients that however demanding their lives (and most are incredibly busy mums) they can stop procrastinating in about five minutes flat. The thing is, is that procrastination isn't an action, it's a feeling - a horrible, guilty, 'weighing down on your shoulders' feeling that makes you feel absolutely useless. But you can stop that feeling right now and never experience it again.

Really.

Obviously, the odd task can sneak through the net, like last month's blogging, but on the whole, I've pretty much banished procrastination from my life using this method. And so have many of my clients.

So, here's how.

5 easy steps

Step 1. Make a choice - are you going to do this particular job or are you not?

If the answer is NO, forget about it. Throw out the relevant piece of paper, pass the job to someone else, or do whatever you have to do not think about it ever again.

If the answer is YES, then…

Step 2. Decide when you're going to do. Decide how long it's going to take, and this is important -  BLOCK IT INTO YOUR DIARY. If you have to move it because you've got swine flu or whatever, BLOCK IT IN AGAIN. Don’t just add it to your to-do list. This is an absolute non-starter for your favourite procrastinations. You'll just keep not doing them.

Step 3. Then, spend a little time re-associating the job you are currently associating with pain or fear, with pleasure. This way, you will genuinely want to do it. (Have you ever noticed, by the way, that you never, ever procrastinate on something you love doing?)

So for instance, if you're putting off, oh I dunno, fitting the draft excluder to the back door… Think about how warm the kitchen is going to be and how great you're going to feel when you've done it. Don’t let the fact that you're really busy, and have no idea how to do it, let you put off handling it for a moment longer. Focus on the pleasure, not the pain.

Step 4. Forget about it - this is so much easier now you know when you're going to do it.

Step 5. When the moment of truth arrives, as scheduled into your diary, remind yourself of all the pleasurable reasons you are doing this particular job  - and just do it!

So. Here goes. I'm going to follow my own advice:

Step 1. Make a choice. Am I going to write my blog at least three times in November or not?  YES!

Step 2.  When am I going to do it? Umm… I'm getting my diary out now… here's 45 mins here …and here ….and here. Great. It's scheduled in.

Step 3. Associate the job with pleasure. Remind myself why I write my blog - because I love writing, because making meaningful connections with followers is fantastic and all the other many reasons why blogging is so much fun.

Step 4. Forget about it.

Step 5. Do it! Ooh, there goes my blog. Heading for cyberspace now. What a lovely, satisfied feeling.

Now, I just have to work out how to get more people to read it. Any tips?

Your perfect work

A friend has just told me about a really simple but inspirational idea for a new business she's ready to set up. I can't tell you what it is - she swore me to secrecy - but I just know it's going to work out for her.

Shall I tell you why?

Because it's got three vital ingredients needed for making it 'the work she was born to do'…

1. Firstly, it uses her inherent skills and talents. She's not going to have to go out and learn a whole load of new stuff to get things going. She knows that she's doing.

2. She's passionate about what she wants to achieve. Without passion a new business is incredibly unlikely to get off the ground. It's what will drive her forward when the going gets tough.

3. It's absolutely in line with her core values, the non-tangible things in life that she simply must have to feel happy or fulfilled. Again, if her new business compromised these values she simply wouldn't have the commitment to making it work.

Now, I'm not a small business expert and I've no idea whether it's economically viable. She'll have to talk to the people with the right business skills and expertise to find that out, but I do know that if you don't have the above three ingredients, it just ain't gonna happen.

So, watch this space…

I'm lucky enough to work with lots of inspiring and committed women, many of them Mums returning to work, in my one-to-one coaching practice. I also run short workshops helping people find the work they were born to do.

My next 'Find the work you were born to do' Life Coaching Workshop is on 11 October in South West London.

To book, or to find out about future dates and venues call:
0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk

Tips for taming time

Are you a BANJO* person or a BANJO person?

Are you a 'Bang a Nasty Job Off' person? Or a 'Bang a Nice Job Off' kind of a person?

Received time-management wisdom is go for BANJO 1. Get that grim job done.  Focus on what you don't really want to do, get it out the way and you'll be so pleased with yourself you'll go into the rest of your day with a skip and a jump. And most importantly, you'll avoid the depressing, heavy, inspiration-killing weight of procrastination on your shoulders.

So, Get a Nasty Job done. Reap the rewards of your actions and move on.

It's great advice. No question. Unpleasant tasks hanging about make us feel bad and can make it difficult to get anything else done.

But I'd like to put a word in for BANJO 2 - 'Bang a Nice Job Off'. In my view, this approach has a lot going for it, too.

Firstly, it's a Nice Job because you want to do it. It's probably something that you value, that is line with what you think is important in life. Not something that you simply have to do, or feel you ought to do.

Because you value it, it'll make you feel good when you do it. You'll probably enjoy doing it and it'll add to your feeling of happiness and well being. It'll make you feel positive about yourself.

And you're probably quite good at it, as well. We tend to want to do the things we are good at before the things we aren't. So the act of doing it will make you feel capable and successful, too. 

And then… Guess what? Once you've BANJO'd that Nice Job off, and you're feeling happy and pleased with yourself, doing that nasty/rubbish/scary/tedious or overwhelming job doesn't seem half so bad.

The secret is not to procrastinate on the Nasty Job. Plan exactly when you'll get those expenses done, but plan to do them after a job that you value, like writing your blog! The feelgood feeling that you'll get from the Nice job could take you a long way to making the Nasty job much less Nasty.


You can discover the three simple secrets to Taming Time at:

Taming Time - A Workshop for Parents. 

Please contact me for future dates and venues: 0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk

Ref: From Roger Black, 'Getting Things Done'. Great book by the way!

How to put YOU back into your life

It's Back to School time. Shiny new shoes. A haircut. Name labels ironed into cardigans and skirts. And…

…a bit more time for Me!

If you're like me, you'll have a 100 million little jobs that just haven't got done over the holidays. An appointment for my much cancelled eye test. Thank you cards for my four-year-olds birthday presents. A tax disk to renew. Gym badges to sew on leotards, etc etc.

This stuff needs to be done. Sure. (Maybe not the gym badges!) And I'll do it, bit by bit. But it doesn't make me happy exactly. Although I might feel good for a while, having a tidy desk and knowing I've not got too much on my 'to do' list.

But I've got this funny feeling I wasn't put on this earth 'to get things done'. 

In general, what makes people truly happy and fulfilled is living life in line with their values. When we feel jaded and overwhelmed it's often because we're not doing enough that really motivates and inspires us.

So, in between jobs on the 'to do' list this week I'm going to make sure I do a few things that have real meaning and value to me.

One day into term and with a little more time for me, I've got sorted: 

- Sunday lunch with my best friend & daughter's Godmother booked (Tick - Friendship)

- Childcare on Wednesday so I can go to Pilates. (Tick - Exercise)

- Special Time with each of my children every evening (Tick - Connection with my family - OK so I did this all summer but I didn't want to miss them out!)

- And a commitment to myself to get to the next PTA meeting school (Tick - Contribution)

That should do it.

Now, where's that sewing kit…?

Discover more simple ways to put YOU back into your life at:

Put YOU Back into Your Life - A Workshop for Parents

This workshop is held regularly in London.

For future dates please call Katie on 0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk