Enough already. What about me?

Your perfect work

A friend has just told me about a really simple but inspirational idea for a new business she's ready to set up. I can't tell you what it is - she swore me to secrecy - but I just know it's going to work out for her.

Shall I tell you why?

Because it's got three vital ingredients needed for making it 'the work she was born to do'…

1. Firstly, it uses her inherent skills and talents. She's not going to have to go out and learn a whole load of new stuff to get things going. She knows that she's doing.

2. She's passionate about what she wants to achieve. Without passion a new business is incredibly unlikely to get off the ground. It's what will drive her forward when the going gets tough.

3. It's absolutely in line with her core values, the non-tangible things in life that she simply must have to feel happy or fulfilled. Again, if her new business compromised these values she simply wouldn't have the commitment to making it work.

Now, I'm not a small business expert and I've no idea whether it's economically viable. She'll have to talk to the people with the right business skills and expertise to find that out, but I do know that if you don't have the above three ingredients, it just ain't gonna happen.

So, watch this space…

I'm lucky enough to work with lots of inspiring and committed women, many of them Mums returning to work, in my one-to-one coaching practice. I also run short workshops helping people find the work they were born to do.

My next 'Find the work you were born to do' Life Coaching Workshop is on 11 October in South West London.

To book, or to find out about future dates and venues call:
0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk

Tips for taming time

Are you a BANJO* person or a BANJO person?

Are you a 'Bang a Nasty Job Off' person? Or a 'Bang a Nice Job Off' kind of a person?

Received time-management wisdom is go for BANJO 1. Get that grim job done.  Focus on what you don't really want to do, get it out the way and you'll be so pleased with yourself you'll go into the rest of your day with a skip and a jump. And most importantly, you'll avoid the depressing, heavy, inspiration-killing weight of procrastination on your shoulders.

So, Get a Nasty Job done. Reap the rewards of your actions and move on.

It's great advice. No question. Unpleasant tasks hanging about make us feel bad and can make it difficult to get anything else done.

But I'd like to put a word in for BANJO 2 - 'Bang a Nice Job Off'. In my view, this approach has a lot going for it, too.

Firstly, it's a Nice Job because you want to do it. It's probably something that you value, that is line with what you think is important in life. Not something that you simply have to do, or feel you ought to do.

Because you value it, it'll make you feel good when you do it. You'll probably enjoy doing it and it'll add to your feeling of happiness and well being. It'll make you feel positive about yourself.

And you're probably quite good at it, as well. We tend to want to do the things we are good at before the things we aren't. So the act of doing it will make you feel capable and successful, too. 

And then… Guess what? Once you've BANJO'd that Nice Job off, and you're feeling happy and pleased with yourself, doing that nasty/rubbish/scary/tedious or overwhelming job doesn't seem half so bad.

The secret is not to procrastinate on the Nasty Job. Plan exactly when you'll get those expenses done, but plan to do them after a job that you value, like writing your blog! The feelgood feeling that you'll get from the Nice job could take you a long way to making the Nasty job much less Nasty.


You can discover the three simple secrets to Taming Time at:

Taming Time - A Workshop for Parents. 

Please contact me for future dates and venues: 0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk

Ref: From Roger Black, 'Getting Things Done'. Great book by the way!

How to put YOU back into your life

It's Back to School time. Shiny new shoes. A haircut. Name labels ironed into cardigans and skirts. And…

…a bit more time for Me!

If you're like me, you'll have a 100 million little jobs that just haven't got done over the holidays. An appointment for my much cancelled eye test. Thank you cards for my four-year-olds birthday presents. A tax disk to renew. Gym badges to sew on leotards, etc etc.

This stuff needs to be done. Sure. (Maybe not the gym badges!) And I'll do it, bit by bit. But it doesn't make me happy exactly. Although I might feel good for a while, having a tidy desk and knowing I've not got too much on my 'to do' list.

But I've got this funny feeling I wasn't put on this earth 'to get things done'. 

In general, what makes people truly happy and fulfilled is living life in line with their values. When we feel jaded and overwhelmed it's often because we're not doing enough that really motivates and inspires us.

So, in between jobs on the 'to do' list this week I'm going to make sure I do a few things that have real meaning and value to me.

One day into term and with a little more time for me, I've got sorted: 

- Sunday lunch with my best friend & daughter's Godmother booked (Tick - Friendship)

- Childcare on Wednesday so I can go to Pilates. (Tick - Exercise)

- Special Time with each of my children every evening (Tick - Connection with my family - OK so I did this all summer but I didn't want to miss them out!)

- And a commitment to myself to get to the next PTA meeting school (Tick - Contribution)

That should do it.

Now, where's that sewing kit…?

Discover more simple ways to put YOU back into your life at:

Put YOU Back into Your Life - A Workshop for Parents

This workshop is held regularly in London.

For future dates please call Katie on 0208 772 7808 or email Katie@putyoubackintoyourlife.co.uk

How to survive the school holidays

I've made it through four weeks of the school holidays and I'm still alive! Hurrah!

And since my little girl starts school in September her first day isn't until the end of the month. So we've a fair way to go yet, but so far so good.

I've been thinking about what works for us and have come up with my top five survival tips. Please add yours.

• Take five minutes at the beginning of each day to sit on my own and just be. Do it before the frenzy of family life kicks in
• Let my kids get bored. It's astounding what imaginative things they come up with to do 
• Don't feel bad about sticking a DVD on - it's my holiday too
• Have plenty of days with nothing planned, so the kids can take the lead rather than me. My six-year-old loves to feel she's in charge
• Really enjoy the moments. I mean really enjoy them. Talk about the best thing that happened each day. Write about it in my Gratitude Diary. Notice the good stuff.
  

Special Time

I've just finished 'Special Time' with my six-year old daughter and now she's tucked up in bed with her cuddly monkeys. All five of them.

We had a lot of fun. I taught her how to play 20 Questions and within ten minutes she'd got it. She chose 'Hare' (my guess is she changed it from 'Rabbit' when I got it too quickly), 'Daddy', and 'Kangeroo'.

This isn't a blog about parenting. I've not got a load of parenting tips up my sleeve. It's really a blog about keeping 'you' intact when you're a 24-hour parent. But there is something about Special Time which is more than just a parenting tip.

We've been doing Special Time for about six months and it's transformed my relationship with my daughter. It's left me feeling calmer, more relaxed and up for the 'me' time I need at the end of the day. 

Our Special Time is 20 minutes just before bed, when she and I do what she wants (within reason - no computer or TV). I might ask the odd question to encourage her, but there's no judgement, no direction from me, no criticism. I tell her that we do Special Time together because I love her.

And what happens is amazing. She's thrilled to have the undivided attention of her Mum but she also relaxes and opens up, knowing that I'm not going anywhere, that I'm not going to get up and unpack the dishwasher or something. Sometimes we talk (about silly and serious things), sometimes we play board games, other times we cuddle and read books, but it's up to her. We never cancel or postpone, however challenging she has been during the day.

It's not always easy. I can be so exhausted that I dread her deciding she wants to to make a 3D model of Tower Bridge or whatever. But I do try. Non-judgment and allowing moments to take their course is good stuff with whoever, and whenever. It's good for me, as well as her.

20 things to be grateful for today

Ever kept a Gratitude Diary? It's free. It's easy. And it's powerful. In just ten minutes a day you can fundamentally change your experience of life.

The basic principle is 'energy flows where attention goes'. When you focus on what is wrong or lacking in your life - the kids not getting up on time, the washing machine breaking down, etc, etc - you'll get a whole lot more of the same. You'll continue to take all the amazing things in your life for granted and life will feel, well, tough.

When you start to focus on what you are grateful for, and what is going right for you, you open yourself up to seeing more and more things to be grateful for. And great things start happening too. The world becomes a far more positive place, even though it's exactly the same one that you were in before.

A Gratitude Diary is simply a daily list of things you are grateful for in your life. Five things is good stuff. Ten things is fabulous. Twenty things is truly life-changing. It forces you to think above and beyond the obvious.

It's really worth pushing through the feeling that you'll never find 20 things every day. Trust me, you will.

So, here's mine for today. I'd love to see yours.

1. The delight on my daughter's face as she splashed in the Lido after school

2. Two cracking thunderstorms last night

3. Getting an emergency appointment to fix my tooth - just after school drop-off

4. The dentist carrying my bike down the steep surgery stairs

5. Hearing my neighbour singing in his garden

6. Finding my credit card

7. The smell of the jasmine along my fence

8. The sound of my little girls chattering in the bath

9. My children's Dad lending me a new laptop when my old one crashed

10. Good feedback from a coaching client

11. The green bean plants curling off the top of their poles

12. My dear friends and family who I know are there for me

13. Finding that last year's hot weather skirt still looks good

14. Both daughters' sunhats coming back from school

15. A good price from the printer

16. Lime juice with lots of ice

17. My skills as a Life Coach

18. CBeebies

19. A few moments stillness as I watered my garden before I wrote this blog

20. Kids in bed in time to watch the tennis round-up

THANK YOU!  THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Finding time to be a human being

Happily tweeting birds in my (very urban) garden woke me up early this morning. I’m talking extra early here, way before the milkman. The kind of hellish time I used to be forced out of bed when my girls were tiny. Thank heaven those days are over.

Did it bug me? Yes. Did I wish I was still in a deep and heavenly sleep dreaming of Jude Law. Yep. Did it ruin my day? No way. Without giving it too much thought, I jumped on my bike. And minutes later I was on the Common - dew on the grass, sun rising through the mist, just me and the ducks. I even did some yoga out there in the hazy sunshine.  It took 15 minutes. 

I’m not a fitness kind of person. I don’t do this sort of thing as a rule and probably won’t be doing it again soon. But today it felt like the right way to spend that extra bit of time the birds had created for me. I took a different decision from usual and got a different result - a few moments just for me, doing a valued activity that makes me feel like a real human being, not a stressed-out mum. 

That’s often the way with time for parents. It’s not so much that there isn’t enough of it – we all have the same 24 hours, let’s face it – but that we forget to fill any time at all with stuff that makes us feel fabulous as individuals. And, whoops, kids are doing just fine, but we seem to have disappeared.

It takes just 15 minutes a day to honour who you are. Give it a try.